My Salad Days, Apparently With Alcoholic Dressing
In early adulthood, I drank like a fish. I loved the effect of alcohol as soon as I tasted it, and it was only two years or so until it was my only real purpose in living. I lived to drink. There was no distinction between daily drinking and binge drinking, because it was daily binging until unconsciousness. Eventually a DUI and a few disorderly conduct charges shook me out of it enough to want to change, even though "change" only meant not getting arrested.
[Side note: This was more or less about the time that David Sinclair was testing pharmacological extinction on humans.]
I still had no real goals other than intoxication. I sought help, but the only so-called help I found was Stepping, and even that was offered in such a smug and arrogant manner that it was clearly a poor option for someone already struggling to justify continued existence. I just muddled along, sometimes drinking more and sometimes less. I wanted to improve my life, but didn't really want to stop drinking. These goals were not compatible, and the alcohol won.
[The Sinclair Method existed -- David Sinclair filed a patent in 1989 -- but I would have rejected it even if I had known about it. I wanted to get bombed.]
After my second DUI, I was forced into "treatment" by the court. This was the same old Minnesota Model, basically just getting Stepped on for a month. I abstained for a while after that because I didn't want to repeat the experience of so-called treatment.
Trying to Be a Functional Addict
A few more years ticked by. I tried abusing cold medicine, but that was not as fun. I went back to alcohol. Third DUI. This time I tried to be a little more assertive, and I traveled to a mental hospital in Illinois which offered RR-based therapy as well as Stepping. I abstained for a while after that, but again it was more to avoid repeating the experience than because the therapy had been effective.
A few more years ticked by, and I moved to Albuquerque. I remained desperately unhappy and lonely, so guess what I did?
[The Sinclair Method not only existed, it was being used successfully in other countries. I would have embraced it eagerly if it had been available to me. By that point, it was clear that I was caught in a trap. Everything past this point DID NOT HAVE TO HAPPEN. I would have been thrilled to have a cure.]
I got a fourth DUI, although they treated it as a first because they didn't know about the others. The charge was dismissed because the cops didn't show up in court -- I still have no idea what happened there.
I more or less had a lid on it until I lost my job (for unrelated reasons). At that point, with no external restraint, it got quite bad again. On one especially rotten occasion, I woke up passed out on the floor at 6:00 in the evening, a tipped-over bottle beside me, and with no memory of anything past the previous evening at maybe 9:00 or so. That was an unusually bad night, but that was basically my life.
Sooooo, I soon acquired my fifth DUI which was also miscategorized as a first. There was more first-time DUI preaching. It was Step-based and as useless as ever.
Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Unchained Mouse's drunkalogue!